I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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