I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
