I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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