gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
