It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
In America we eat man semen.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
