Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
