We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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