I murdered the dance floor call the cops
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
