His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
