I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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