I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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