apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
