he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Randomize
