i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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