Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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