I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
