Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
