Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Farmville is her only friend.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
