people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Randomize
