I'm eating all of the evidence.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
