just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
we're so committed to being not committed
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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