went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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