I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
