i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
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