You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
