Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
