Don't make out with my wife yet
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
