Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
