Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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