Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
