i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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