If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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