I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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