Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
