Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
