take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
