Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
