PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
