a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
