Joe is yelling at the trees again.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
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