You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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