physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
