we're chasing vodka with high fives
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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