sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
