I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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