If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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