just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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