guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
