From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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