He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
