My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
and you fell through a lawn chair
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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