Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
