you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
