Just fell off a train. Bad.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
