Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
