Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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