Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
