I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
