i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
